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spring cleaning

I am feeling very overtaken by "things".  I am sick of all the clutter in my apartment, car, head, computer....etc.  I need a fresh clean look for a while.  I have been throwing things out, and trying to get ready to make the dreaded move across the country.  I say dreaded because I hate to move, not because of where we are moving.  The truth is I am very excited about Massachusetts (I just learned to spell that!).  I think it will be an exciting adventure. 

 I've never been to MA, or really anywhere for that matter.  I grew up in the same house, went to the same school, & knew all the same people.  Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining.  There was definitely some security in that.  I felt like I belonged, like I fit in.  But I also felt like I couldn't be myself.  Does that make sense?  I felt like I grew up & before I could decide who I wanted to be it was already decided.  Written in stone sort of.  I am not blaming anyone.  There is no one to blame.  It just happened. 

I guess what I am trying to say, is that I am going to use this opportunity to reinvent myself (pardon the cheesy phrasing).  I would like to do some spring cleaning on myself.  Get rid of all my extra crazy.  During these last four years I feel like I have grown as a person in a way I never could have had I been living in UT.  I used my family as a crutch.  I didn't do things for myself, because I didn't have to.  It was easier to just depend on them.  Don't get me wrong, I've missed them all terribly, but not for what they could do for me, but for who they are.  

I am starting to see the bigger picture.  We are only on this earth for such a short time.  I  want to make memories with my little family.  I am starting to find joy in changing diapers & driving carpool.  I could spend these next three years feeling sorry for myself, because of all we are missing by living away from family, or I can embrace it.  I am choosing to find happiness in the everyday things.  

So watch out Massachusetts, because here I come!